Thursday, April 29, 2010

Perfect Combination

Drug addict and cage fighting extraordinaire Paulo Filho really scored with this amazing look, combining a sexy mustache, trashy face tattoo, and bitchin' sleeveless flannel.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Oh Sandra!

In an exclusive interview with Entertainment Weekly, Sandra Bullock announced she has officially filed for divorce, and is currently looking for a new man, but she is only willing to date mustached men this time around, because "they are so much fun to ride." She also threw a jab at ex-husband Jesse James saying "that bare lipped freak was a slug in bed."

Monday, April 26, 2010

Beaking News: Tito Ortiz's Mustache Assaults Porn Star Girlfriend Jenna Jameson

UFC fight Tito Ortiz and his mustache were arrested for felony domestic violence against girlfriend and mother of his 2 children Jenna Jameson at the couples Huntington Beach home today. Although this is clearly bad publicity for the mustache, Jenna is about the only person Tito can beat these days, as his career has been on a downward slide for the past few years.

Mustache Ride Extraordinaire

Sally Field became a mustache ride aficionado in 1977 during the filming of "Smokey and the Bandit" with Burt Reynolds. Rumor has it that she would sit on Burt's mustache for a minimum of 1 hour each morning before filming to help her "get into character." At one hour per day, 6 days per week, for 42 weeks of filming, that's 252 hours spent atop Burt's glorious specimen. Great job Sally, that is impressive to say the least!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Viva Las Vegas!

The mustache and I are headed to Las Vegas tomorrow, so you know I will be hitting up The Palomino, I just hope they remember ,no cocaine and no STD's, just like last time.

I will leave you with a few Vegas mustaches.

Update: The mustache and I survived Las Vegas, barely, and I never wanna go back. I found out the hard way that the only people out on Fremont St. at 4 in the morning are panhandlers and prostitutes!


Gurt Lamberstein stumbled across these jewels while thumbing through a 1981 Mesa Fire Dept. yearbook. Why he was looking at a 1981 MFD yearbook is beside me, but who cares when it yields these kind of results.
You can just tell the guy in the picture above doesn't fear any pussy-ass fire, and won't take any shit from some bare lipped nerd (he does kind of remind me of Ogre from 'Revenge of the Nerds.')

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Not that I really want to, but with the Ninja Turtle, and a mustache I would have to do her.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Just a friendly reminder that when you are at home drinking on a Friday or Saturday night, and you head out to the garage to fire it up, a $0.25 Ratt cassette tape is a great form of entertainment!

Monday Night Raw Mustache

Hawk and Animal, The Road Warriors or The Legion Of Doom, whatever you want to call them enjoyed both upper lip and wrestling success in the late '80's. Then one hot summer night in 1990 while high on PCP, Animal shaved off his mustache. One week later he was arrested for looking at child porn on this new thing called the Internet. Needless to say his days of freedom and wrestling were over, and Animal now resides at the Federal Prison Camp in Duluth Minnesota. After seeing what happened to his wrestling partner, Hawk vowed to never shave his upper lip, and went on to become the world champion in Japan.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Mustache Responsibility

Just because it is a well known fact that a mustache will triple your tolerance to any legal, illegal, illicit, and or prescription drug, including booze and morphine, doesn't mean a mustached man can go out and do all the drugs he wants, that life style is mustache abuse, and the two men below are perfect examples of over indulgence.

The Bike

Unfortunately Mustache Nation, I sold the bike I was just bragging about painting and refurbishing last week. After the bike was done, I had to take it for a spin around the block to show it off (for the ladies!), and my neighbor Chris offered me $80, I told him $100, and he now owns the bike. I made $100 profit, and I may have found a new lucrative hobby, now I just gotta find a bunch of free bikes.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Death Or Mustache

Mustache Discrimination

The Phoenix Coyotes are gearing up to make another play-off run, starting on Wednesday versus the Detroit Red Wings, and they are asking their fans to show their support and grow play-off beards for charity, for as long as the Coyotes are in the post season. Now, don't get me wrong, I love charity and beards are alright, but why cant it be beards & mustaches for charity, this is a case of blatant upper lip neglect. I am planning to take action and send an email to the Coyotes director of charities at, and I urge you all to do the same.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Monday Night Raw Mustache

Steroids and trailer park genetics can produce some interesting specimens and loud mustaches.

Mustache Fever

It looks like mustache fever has hit Pecan Creek South. Here is my neighbor Chris Arthur, trying to look cool and masculine in his new lip sweater. When Chris turned 17 he dropped out of school, hitch hiked to Oregon, and got a job pounding wood as a lumberjack. Then 2 years ago on a road-trip to Mexico, Chris and his friends stopped at a truck stop in Phoenix, where Chris hooked up with and impregnated some poor skank. Long story short, Chris is now married with a kid and lives in Queen Creek Arizona and has been unemployed since he broke his little toe while working at Wal-Mart and subsequently failed the company drug test 9 months ago.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Senor Felipe

Gurt Lamberstein ran into this mesmerizing specimen the other night at Shakespeare's playing drums in the jazz band "Rosas Amargas." When this duster isn't impressing the ladies behind the skins he runs a successful upholstery business, specializing in low riders and rat rods. So the back seat of his '47 Mercury is always a plush spot to take a groupie or two between sets. The only downfall to having a mustache this charismatic is that so many ladies are getting their juices on it, it takes a lifetime prescription to Valtrex for maintenance.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Bat Shit Crazy Mustache

Most people know Don King and his mustache for their flamboyant personality and crazy hair, but most people don't know just how crazy this lip sweater really is. This mustache has been tried for two separate murders 13 years apart, the first one, in 1953, he was acquitted of after shooting a man in the back at one of his Cleveland gambling houses, and the second, in 1966, he was convicted of for stomping an employee to death, though after the mustache pulled some strings, the charge was reduced to non negligent homicide, and the stache only did 4 years. This mustache has been the victim of countless lawsuits by everybody from Lenox Lewis and Muhammad Ali to the Lloyd's Of London Insurance Company. This mustache has also been to court numerous times for tax evasion, and since this nose neighbor has spent so much time in court the natural allegations of jury-tampering have surfaced. This duster has also been investigated for ties to organized crime and was called to testify during a 1992 senate investigation into the matter, where this mustache naturally pleaded the fifth. Even ruthless Mike Tyson has said that this mustache "would kill his own mother for a dollar."
This is the beach cruiser/Sting Ray hybrid bike that I just got done refurbishing, and that means it's time to ride! That time is tomorrow night to be exact. So if you wanna go bar hopping (in the Higley & Baseline area) on a bicycle and listen to some RATT cassette tapes, call me.
The Battle Creek Metropolitan Area Mustache Society is holding a Dart Tournament at the Cricket Club on Saturday. Can you imagine all the ladies that are gonna turn out for darts, booze, and of course mustaches? Exactly! So all you mustached men better comb your hair, and put on some after shave, because this is gonna be a swamp donkey's dream.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Easter Torture

Ultimate Fighting Mustache

Although Chuck Liddell and his mustache have fallen on hard times lately, losing 4 of his last 5 fights, and getting KO'd in his last 2, Chuck has never considered shaving his upper lip. Chuck has even stated that his recent decline in the UFC was due to mustache neglect. He has renewed his commitment to follicle hygiene, and is confident it will help him make another run at the title, starting with beating Tito Ortiz' stupid mustache down at UFC 115.