Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Eddie spent his formidable years in the West Oklahoma Juvenile Detention Center, for stealing a bunch of whiskey and crashing him grandmas car into his middle school during a PTA meeting. It was here that he grew his first mustache and quickly realized that it is pretty damn hard to get laid in jail (by a woman), so Eddie straightened up his act and got his GED. Upon his release Eddie and his nose neighbor enrolled in the architecture program at Wyoming State University. After graduation Eddie scored a multi-million dollar freelance job designing the Patronas Towers in Malaysia. After the project was complete Eddie took his money in cash to Peru and hasn't been heard from since 1998.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
After suffering a severe groin injury from his priest while serving as an alter boy, Frank realized he would never be able to pursue his life long dream of being a male belly dancer. With his dreams and hopes dashed away from him, Frank fell into a deep depression, and didn't leave his parents basement for several years, until one day he had a euphoric vision from the mustache gods. Frank immediately grew a lip sweater, instantly got his confidence back, sued the catholic church, and now spends his restitution payments on Michelob Ultra and mustache paraphernalia.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I came across this picture the other day when I was helping a friend move. He said it's a picture of his uncle, Randy, from 1971 when he was a certified bad ass running cheap meth for the Hells Angels, before he went to prison and converted to Islam. Once out of prison Randy went on to invent a Muslim prayer carpet laced with Teflon, making it the worlds most durable and easy to clean prayer pad, and quickly became a favorite of insurgents around the world.
Monday, August 9, 2010
I ran into this mustache last Saturday night at Babe's Sports Bar in East Mesa. Patrick told me he was there just to enjoy the UFC fights, but couldn't because of all the attention his mustache was getting from the ladies. I politely told him he better get used to it, because having a mustache is like carrying around a trophy at all times.
Because of his rotund appearance most people assumed Rod Beck fueled his upper lip follicles with Coors Light and potato chips. Well, those people are wrong, and Rod's mustache was actually a natural solar panel, creating more energy in one hour than Rod's body used in an entire day attributing to his doughy exterior. Sick and tired of being called fat and a slob his entire mustached life Rod recklessly shaved his upper lip on June 22, 2007 and was tragically found dead in his Phoenix Arizona home on June 23, 2007.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I met GQ on a recent trip to Greece. He is originally from Northeast L.A., but his love of house music brought him to Latvia, where he is one of the countries biggest DJ's. When GQ isn't on the 1's & 2's he enjoys pickled mushrooms, Xanax, and giving Grey Goose showers to underage women.
Jules was born behind a cardboard box factory during his Mom's smoke break, and lived a life of poverty until he grew his first mustache at the age of 14 and promptly moved in with his porn star girlfriend. Jules' mustache spent the next 8 years working porn security detail, and eventually set up his own porn security cartel. The business was so lucrative that Jules had enough money to start his own line of mustache waxes that are resistant to sweat and other bodily fluids, which quickly became the worlds most recognizable and number one selling brand. With Jules bank account swelling he was finally able to realize his life long dream of designing women's sunglasses.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Gandhi's nose neighbor was the spiritual leader of India during the Indian independence movement, and is the pioneer of non-violent resistance which inspired civil rights movements all across the world. Gandhi's lip sweater also monopolized all the decent smelling women in South India, which didn't sit well with some bare lipped men in the region, and as a result got Gandhi assassinated.