Gandhi

Gandhi's nose neighbor was the spiritual leader of India during the Indian independence movement, and is the pioneer of non-violent resistance which inspired civil rights movements all across the world. Gandhi's lip sweater also monopolized all the decent smelling women in South India, which didn't sit well with some bare lipped men in the region, and as a result got Gandhi assassinated.

Nick Punto

It looks like Minnesota Twin Nick Punto is sick of teammates Carl Pavano and Joe Mauer's mustaches monopolizing all the fat bitches in Minnesota, so he has started to grow his own sub-nasal fur coat, and is ready and willing to scoop up his mustache pioneer teammates sloppy seconds.

"With great mustache comes great responsibility"

Nobody knows this better than Antonio Banuelos, who was the victim of a mustache jealousy hate crime. Antonio almost lost his left eye, when he was attacked on the mean streets of Queen Creek, AZ by a group of extremely mustache envious men wielding a weed eater, and stapler. Yet even after his horrific incident Antonio refused to shave his upper lip, because "with great mustache comes great responsibility."