John Axford

Just over a year ago John Axford was out of baseball, after being cut by the New York Yankees John went on a 2 week drinking binge, locking himself in his parents basement with nothing but a few cases of Miller Lite and his Xbox 360. Then one night while passed out John had a dream where the mustache god's came to him and made him an offer he couldn't refuse. If he would grow a sweet 'stache the god's would grant him a lighting bolt for an arm. When John woke up the next morning he vowed to never again shave his upper lip, and the next thing he knew the Milwaukee Brewers were knocking on his door. With his amazing new lip sweater and brand new gig as the Brewers closing pitcher John was soon getting more pussy than Ron Jeremy, and he credits his mustache for all his success on the field and in the bedroom.

Super Bowl Mustache

My buddy Gary Cole, grew this amazing specimen to commemorate the Green bay Packers going to Super Bowl XLV. I just hope he got some pepper spray to go with that mustache, because every vagina on planet earth will be trying to ride this lip sweater.

Mustache Poise

A co-worker of mine told me he recently read in the Phoenix New Times, that the mustache is back, but the paper was still on the fence as to whether the sexy masculine 'stache, ala Tom Selleck, is back or if the next generation of lips sweaters are growing them for comedic effect, but I detest the thought that there is anything funny about a mustache. Mustaches are not just for your NASCAR loving uncle anymore, a mustache is a badge of honor, that must be worn with pride and confidence, exuding sex appeal like a women wearing stiletto heels or a push-up bra.