Jack Lambert

Jack Lambert's mustache is widely recognized as the best middle linebacker in NFL history. Jack always prided himself on the strength on his lip follicles, and as a result one night after countless bottles of cheap vodka, and endless handfuls of vicodin Jack challenged the fattest women in Pennsylvania to a mustache ride. Although the mustache is considered one of the strongest ever, it buckled under the immense pressure and Jack lost his 4 front teeth.

Heavy Metal Mustache

The real reason Ozzy was kicked out of Black Sabbath was because he was a bare lipped freak.

Don't ask, don't tell mustache

Marcus Shubert and his mustache spent 4 years in the Navy travelling the South Pacific on a carrier. This mustache was a hard working, blue blooded, American sailor, but when his shift ended Marcus liked to rub scented oils all over himself, put on a cardigan, and prance around the ship. After he had served his time and was discharged, Marcus and his flamboyant nose neighbor fled to San Fransisco and were never heard from again.

Monday Night Raw Mustache

Free steroids, free STD's, and free mustache wax, these are the things The Junk Yard Dog (JYD) was accustomed to, living the lifestyle of a mustached wrestling superstar. Then in a bizarre chain of events JYD shaved his entire body, including upper lip and buttocks, got strung out on energy drinks, and led the Gila River Indian Reservation Police on a low speed off road chase in a Mazda Miata, and then when JYD got out of jail on bail he disappeared, literally, mafia style.

"With great mustache comes great responsibility"

Nobody knows this better than Antonio Banuelos, who was the victim of a mustache jealousy hate crime. Antonio almost lost his left eye, when he was attacked on the mean streets of Queen Creek, AZ by a group of extremely mustache envious men wielding a weed eater, and stapler. Yet even after his horrific incident Antonio refused to shave his upper lip, because "with great mustache comes great responsibility."

Southern Idol Mustache

Richard petty and his mustache are worshipped by 4/5 of the population who reside South of the Mason-Dixon Line. At the opening ceremony of every monster truck rally in Alabama all patrons must pledge allegiance to this mustache. This mustache was not only fast on the race track, but also very fast in cheap motel rooms, in fact this mustache is single handedly responsible for doubling the number of bastard trailer park children in Kentucky from 1964 - 1968.

Rumba King

Xavier Cugat and his sweet mustache are largely responsible for popularizing Latin music in North America. Although Xavier was a conservative man he did not believe in a monogamous mustache ride, which led him to be married to 5 different women in his life time. He even gave that annoying bitch Charo an aggressively world famous mustache ride in 1969, in which she severely jumbled her spinal alignment and still suffers from back pain to this very day.

Monday Night Raw Mustache

Ravishing Rick Rude traveled the world seducing ladies with the WWF from 1987 thru 1990. He was banging some of the nastiest wrestling groupies the world had to offer and never got an STD because of the protection his upper lip companion provided. Then on a warm summer night in 1990 he spontaneously shaved his mustache and the next time he slept with a trailer park whore he got genital warts, and the first time he shot up steroids post mustache he overdosed and died.

Tito "The Huntington Beach Bitch Boy" Ortiz

Most folks recognize Tito as a former UFC champion who hasn't won a fight in over 3 years, but what most people don't know is how he got into fighting.

As a youth in Huntington Beach Tito was always in trouble with the law shoplifting, drug possession, you name it, then right after he turned 18 Tito thought it would be a good idea to steal a car to impress a girl. That idea got him into the California state prison system, where Tito was regularly beaten and raped. Finally one day he got sick of getting his ass pounded, literally, so Tito grew a mustache, started lifting weights, learned how to fight, and the rest is history.

I just found my new favorite mustache!

I fell in love with this mustache at first sight. Maybe it is the cute little angry guy this mustache is on, maybe it's the fact that he surrounded himself with a dude who is super committed to the David Lee Roth look, maybe it's the awesome way he accessorized that sweet nose neighbor. I'm not really sure what it is, but I'm in love, and I can guarantee that this mustache is with all those ladies in the back round, and I can also guarantee all those ladies are gonna ride that marvelous specimen.