Johnny F.

My long time friend Johnny recently moved to Portland, and called me a couple weeks ago to complain that he was having trouble meeting new people and was sick of sitting at home by himself listening to Jean-Baptiste Sully on Friday nights. So I gave him the same advice I give to everyone, grow a mustache. Then last Saturday at 2 in the morning I woke up to my phone ringing, I reluctantly answered, and it was Johnny calling me to thank me for the great advice. He said after growing the mustache he had the confidence to go down to his local brew pub to catch a Slaid Cleaves show. When the door man saw Johnny's mustache he let him in for free, once inside the show a cute brunette approached him and bought him a Blue Moon, then another, and another, and another. Next thing he knew they were back at her place and she was sitting on his mustache spinning in circles talking about love and marriage. Johnny said he just had to call and tell me that he didn't know how a few whiskers could change a man's life, but he is now a believer.

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday

Donny Vomit

Donny and his mustache have been swallowing swords, juggling chainsaws, and smashing vulva's on the Coney Island sideshow circuit for nearly a decade.

Kurt Rambis

Most people assume that Magic Johnson got the most pussy in the NBA during the 80's because of his famous run-in with that pesky HIV, but teammate Kurt Rambis actually pulled almost twice the tail from 1980 to 1995. Rambis made it through his entire 16 year basketball career without ever using a condom and never once contracted an STD strictly because of the protection provided by his nose neighbor.

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday

Birthday Mustache

Yesterday was my friend Tony's birthday, so a few of us guys had plans to meet at our local watering hole, and much to our surprise Tony showed up with a brand spankin' new mustache, which was a hit with the ladies, obviously.

Mustache Responsibility

Unfortunately like all great things the power of a mustache can sometimes go to a man's head. I don't want to get into how many people have died by the whiskers of an upper lip, I just want this to be a warning that a mustache must be worn responsibly.

Matt Mortigan

Matt has a degree in computer science from ASU, his own house, a 70" plasma with surround sound, an almost new Mercedes ML320 , and a steady job at Intel. The only thing Matt didn't have was a women to share it all with. So about 9 months ago Matt ran me down when he saw me in my front yard watering my lantanas, and asked for a little advice. I told him there was only one thing he could do, and that was to grow a mustache. I didn't see Matt again until last night when he ran me down in my front yard, and with a prideful mustache handed me an invitation to his wedding.

Nick Punto

It looks like Minnesota Twin Nick Punto is sick of teammates Carl Pavano and Joe Mauer's mustaches monopolizing all the fat bitches in Minnesota, so he has started to grow his own sub-nasal fur coat, and is ready and willing to scoop up his mustache pioneer teammates sloppy seconds.

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday