Ox Baker

 

Ox and his nose neighbor were groomed in the deep south on the professional wresting circuit, stealing opponents souls, and supplying countless hours of pleasure to any lady who was up to the challenge of riding this amazing mustache.

Rev. Terry Jones

Inbred, bat shit crazy, religious fanatic, intolerant, racist mustache. This guy makes organized religion, Americans, and most importantly the mustache community look bad.

Frank Harvin

After suffering a severe groin injury from his priest while serving as an alter boy, Frank realized he would never be able to pursue his life long dream of being a male belly dancer. With his dreams and hopes dashed away from him, Frank fell into a deep depression, and didn't leave his parents basement for several years, until one day he had a euphoric vision from the mustache gods. Frank immediately grew a lip sweater, instantly got his confidence back, sued the catholic church, and now spends his restitution payments on Michelob Ultra and mustache paraphernalia.

Holiday Mustache Challenge

As revival nation can now see, we have a new contestant for the holiday mustache challenge. Frank Von Schmidtz and his mustache have been heralded throughout central Illinois for being one of the most lethal banjo players and amateur gynecologists in all of the world. Von Schmidtz is commonly known as a gunsmith, moonshine bootlegger, and running one of the most ruthless antique coffee table cartels in all the biblebelt. This stache has seen more ass than a toilet seat. Just think about it -- do you have any idea how many post-menopausal women go through antique furniture shops in a single day? I rest my case.