Hamilton The Hipster Cat

It is a well know fact that I absolutely hate cat's, but I would change this guys litter box strictly because of his sweet upper lip ornament.

 

This is a true work of art, finer than anything Monet did.

Ox Baker

 

Ox and his nose neighbor were groomed in the deep south on the professional wresting circuit, stealing opponents souls, and supplying countless hours of pleasure to any lady who was up to the challenge of riding this amazing mustache.

Randy Nelson

 

 

 

This in the new match.com profile picture of my good friend Randy, who is rocking a super fresh lip rug.  About 7 months ago Randy went through a nasty divorce (and by nasty I mean his ex-wife's vagina), and was feeling lonely, so on the advice of a friend he signed up for match.com.  After a couple months Randy was extremely frustrated with the dating site, stating "I am only meeting Christian chicks who don't put out," so I suggested the obvious to him, GROW A MUSTACHE. Since growing a masculine 'stache 4 weeks ago, Randy has said it's been the best month of his life, he got a free burrito from the upper lip obsessed girl working the counter at King Taco, his car is getting better gas mileage, and he got his first hand job since he was 16 (in a public bathroom no less). This my friends is just one of many mustache success stories. 

Mustache Drinking Game

http://regginageorge.tumblr.com/post/29998210186/best-movie-drinking-game-attach-a-mustache-to-the


Tape a mustache to your TV screen, put on a movie, and every time it lines up, take a drink.

Genius, just pure genius.

Dr. Dick Evans

This is "Dr. Evans" inventor of the amazing grooming product 'Dr. Evans Old Time Follicle Fertilizer and Male Invigorator.' While I can't testify as to whether his magical concoction actually works, I believe I can safely say that this man has never been to medical school.

Mustache Signs $28 Million Contract

Last season Texas Rangers pitcher Derek Holland's career was in a slump, starting the season 6-4 with a 5.10 ERA. To turn things around Derek tried several things like changing his warm up routine, not washing his not so lucky jock strap, and even giving up internet porn, but nothing could help Derek turn the corner out of his terrible slump, so as one last effort to save his career Derek decided to grow a tried and true lip rug. After setting his upper lip free from the tyranny of a razor, Derek finished the season 10-1 with a 2.77 ERA, and was awarded a $28 million contract yesterday because of it.

John Krautheim & The Turds of Misery

John Krautheim & The Turds of Misery were on the fast track to rock n roll stardom, opening up for Ted Nugent's 1973 world tour, and giving ladies of all shapes, sizes, colors, and religions international mustache rides. They were living the life a bare lipped man could only dream of, then suddenly after 37 straight hours in a Hungarian opium den, the stupid Turds let some overly eager female fans vandalize their upper lips with a razor. Within minutes of the upper lip offense Hungarian police kicked in the door of the opium den, and took the Turds directly to prison, where the have been held for over 38 years without so much as a single phone call to their loved ones.

Jeremy Lin

By now everyone on earth has heard about Linsanity, but not everyone knows the reason behind Jeremy Lin's success. It's not hard work, determination, or his ability to overcome stereotypes, no the real reason behind Linsanity is New York Knicks head coach Mike D'Antoni's mustache and his dedication to the upper lip movement. After all D'Antoni has been faithfully growing his nose neighbor since before the shot clock era.

The Flag Raising Photo

Did you know that the iconic World War II flag raising on Iwo Jima photo was taken by a mustache? Joe Rosenthal and his lip rug shot the historic image on February 23rd 1945, and when you think about it, it seems obvious that only a mustache would be capable of taking the legendary Pulitzer Prize winning photograph.

On This Day In Mustache History

On February 2nd, 1870 Mark Twain and Olivia Langdon were wed, and after courageously resisting a mustache ride for their entire 2 year courtship, Olivia was finally able to hop aboard Mark's masculine upper lip saddle, and she religiously rode his mustache everyday until her death in 1904.

Clive Owen

Hollywood star Clive Owen has grown an impressive new lip sweater for his role in the movie "Killer Elite" co-starring Robert De Niro. Clive recently stated that his mustache is such a success with the ladies that he had to take self-defense classes to protect his upper lip from the daily molestation it gets from soccer moms and punk rock chicks.

Aaron Rodgers New Mustache

It looks like Mr. Rodgers has grown another amazing mustache this preseason, only this specimen is much more masculine than the 2010 version, so much more masculine in fact that the mustache has got it's own Twitter handle, and recently tweeted that it's going to kick Jay Cutler's ass.

Martin 'Hot Sauce' Miller

Martin grew up in Croatia as a clam farmer, but after growing his amazing mustache at the age of 9, he feared his facial hair would permanently stink of fish rot, so he fled the family farm and hitch hiked across the Atlantic where he ended up in northern Minnesota working as a lumber jack, until he fell in love with the son of a baptist preacher. Together they fled to San Francisco, where they opened the world's first poodle grooming parlor in 1893, and lived happily ever after.

Amazing Mustache fact

Only a mustache can fly through a desert monsoon at 80 miles per hour in a Jeep.

Rudy Cantfeld

Rudy's lip rug is not only the drummer of Romania's most celebrated Clash cover band 'White Riot', but he also makes his own organic mustache waxes set to hit the market this July, and he specializes in Malaysian mustaches rides making him an all around lip curtain connoisseur.

Mike Beltran

I came across this epic specimen refereeing a mixed martial arts fight on Saturday night and instantly fell in love (holy man crush!). After doing a little research I found out that not only is Mike an MMA referee, and mustache enthusiast, but he is also the opera critic for the OC Register newspaper, and he comes from a long line of biker florists, where he is famous in the horticulture community for producing the finest Golden Pagoda flowers North America has ever seen.


UPDATE: Just found a pic of the 'stache in action, truly amazing.

Lloyd 'Cupcake' Woodard

Cupcake is not only an undefeated mixed martial arts prospect with hands of steel, but he is also the keeper of a free range mustache, and even though it is a proven scientific fact that a well groomed mustache improves your take down defense by 40%, and your hand speed by 22%, Lloyd says he simply grows the impressive specimen because "chicks can't keep their hands off of it."

Spring Break Mustache

Although my brother in-law graduated from college last semester he still couldn't resist packing his favorite luchador mask and taking his mustache to Lake Havasau for some spring break debauchery.
This got me thinking about how his mustache is the ideal spring break mustache, his mustache can do a solo keg stand (as seen above), he is the guy who can fix a busted keg tapper with a stick of chewing gum and a paper clip, and his 'stache can also debate intermolecular force theory while doing consecutive beer bongs, making it the ideal saddle for any drunken spring break dame.