Ox Baker

 

Ox and his nose neighbor were groomed in the deep south on the professional wresting circuit, stealing opponents souls, and supplying countless hours of pleasure to any lady who was up to the challenge of riding this amazing mustache.

Mustache Signs $28 Million Contract

Last season Texas Rangers pitcher Derek Holland's career was in a slump, starting the season 6-4 with a 5.10 ERA. To turn things around Derek tried several things like changing his warm up routine, not washing his not so lucky jock strap, and even giving up internet porn, but nothing could help Derek turn the corner out of his terrible slump, so as one last effort to save his career Derek decided to grow a tried and true lip rug. After setting his upper lip free from the tyranny of a razor, Derek finished the season 10-1 with a 2.77 ERA, and was awarded a $28 million contract yesterday because of it.

Chacho de la Grande

This is Chacho de la Grande a famous Mexican Porn star, and my friend recently ran into him after a long night partying in Tijuana. He said the ladies couldn't keep their hands off his hair and upper lip, double trouble!

Chan Sung Kim

Chan Sung grew up on a fishing boat off the island of Baengnyeong until he was 15 years old, right around the time he had his first encounter with a pornographic movie. After his experience with porn Chan Sung knew he didn't want to be a fisherman his whole life, he wanted to make money with his genitals. So Chan Sung grew a mustache and set off for the mainland, and eventually made his way to Japan where he scored his first gig. After several years of plowing through hot white chicks, Chan Sung tried a fetish film, and found there to be a lot more money in fetish movies. So he started his own company in which he directed, produced, and starred in movies of skinny Asian guys banging morbidly obese black women. The fetish business was so lucrative that Chan Sung bought a house in the Hollywood Hills right next to Michael Douglas and frequently attends his swinger parties.

Jules Winfield

Jules was born behind a cardboard box factory during his Mom's smoke break, and lived a life of poverty until he grew his first mustache at the age of 14 and promptly moved in with his porn star girlfriend. Jules' mustache spent the next 8 years working porn security detail, and eventually set up his own porn security cartel. The business was so lucrative that Jules had enough money to start his own line of mustache waxes that are resistant to sweat and other bodily fluids, which quickly became the worlds most recognizable and number one selling brand. With Jules bank account swelling he was finally able to realize his life long dream of designing women's sunglasses.