Bearhug Comedy Troupe

 

This is a true work of art, finer than anything Monet did.

Mr. Taco

Marketing at it's finest.

Randy Nelson

 

 

 

This in the new match.com profile picture of my good friend Randy, who is rocking a super fresh lip rug.  About 7 months ago Randy went through a nasty divorce (and by nasty I mean his ex-wife's vagina), and was feeling lonely, so on the advice of a friend he signed up for match.com.  After a couple months Randy was extremely frustrated with the dating site, stating "I am only meeting Christian chicks who don't put out," so I suggested the obvious to him, GROW A MUSTACHE. Since growing a masculine 'stache 4 weeks ago, Randy has said it's been the best month of his life, he got a free burrito from the upper lip obsessed girl working the counter at King Taco, his car is getting better gas mileage, and he got his first hand job since he was 16 (in a public bathroom no less). This my friends is just one of many mustache success stories. 

Great Mustache Quotes

"Fat chicks say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, because real ladies know, the way to a man's heart is by riding his upper lip."  - Jennifer Seith

Mustache Drinking Game

http://regginageorge.tumblr.com/post/29998210186/best-movie-drinking-game-attach-a-mustache-to-the


Tape a mustache to your TV screen, put on a movie, and every time it lines up, take a drink.

Genius, just pure genius.

Dr. Dick Evans

This is "Dr. Evans" inventor of the amazing grooming product 'Dr. Evans Old Time Follicle Fertilizer and Male Invigorator.' While I can't testify as to whether his magical concoction actually works, I believe I can safely say that this man has never been to medical school.

Paul Mertens

Paul is the eccentric mustache that moved into a house at the end of my block about 8 months ago. I say eccentric not because of his cool sense of style, but because of his unique hobbies, which includes breeding pomeranians, organic gardening, baking free range quiche, collecting early Liberace albums, and my favorite, brewing his own Belgian white ale, using his family's very own 200 year old recipe.

Great Mustache Quotes

"Since 99.362% of women love mustache rides, it seems only a fool would have a bare upper lip." - Albert Einstein

President William Howard Taft

President Taft was the first president to be provided with full time 24 hour Secret Service security. The additional protection was furnished strictly for the safety and well being of the President's mustache. In fact Taft's Vice President James Sherman's sole job was mustache quality control, ensuring Taft's nose neighbor was always neatly trimmed, perfectly combed, and most importantly free of cookies crumbs, because President Taft had an incurable obsession with peanut butter and coconut cookies.

The Flag Raising Photo

Did you know that the iconic World War II flag raising on Iwo Jima photo was taken by a mustache? Joe Rosenthal and his lip rug shot the historic image on February 23rd 1945, and when you think about it, it seems obvious that only a mustache would be capable of taking the legendary Pulitzer Prize winning photograph.

Roy Buckley

Roy is a quiet man who lets his lip rug do the talking on the bowling lanes. He took the PBA tour by storm in 1971 by bowling back to back 300 games in The Chargin Falls PBA Regional Tournament, but Roy gave up the professional bowling lifestyle in 1982, so his mustache could devote it's full time to preying on the women that come into the pro shop he owns in Columbus Ohio.

Baron Von Gaerhart

Baron was the bastard son of Father McCauley damned to a life void of a father figure, so at a young age he was forced to use his entrepreneurial skills selling snake oil to nervous customers outside the local whore house. Business was so good, by the age of 11, he had enough loot to open his own barber shop, where Baron and his impeccable grooming became pioneers in early mustache cleaning and brushing techniques.

Upper Lip Victory

Yesterday I received a phone call from my good friend and fellow mustache advocate Jeffery Jackson. Jeff was distraught and on the verge of a panic attack as he told me that he had stopped by our favorite North Mesa Walgreen's, only to find out that they were no longer stocking our preferred mustache wax, Pinaud-Clubman. Instantly I called said pharmacy, and after falsifying my name and exaggerating several instances of mustache discrimination, I am pleased to announce that Walgreen's not only said they would continue stocking Pinaud-Clubman mustache wax in my preferred neutral color, but they would also start stocking the wax in black, brown, and chestnut to avoid any future instances of upper lip discirmination.

Joe Frazier

This mustache beat Muhammad Ali in "The Fight of The Century," won an Olympic gold medal, and cut off his own toe with a lawn mower.

Coat Of Arms For Your Face

"A well maintained  mustache is a symbol of a modern gentlemen. Like a coat of arms for his face, a mustache instantly places the man in the International Society of Modern Gentlemen. A man who sports a mustache knows what it means, and he knows the responsibility it holds. What's more, he knows what it feels like to have that little something extra, that special touch for when life calls for it, but mostly, a man who grows a mustache knows what it's like to have his very own piece if luxury, something every man deserves."  - The Prestigious & Essential Pocket Guide to MOvember.

Carl Ibsen

Carl and his mustache spent 17 years running meth for a ruthless biker gang, before he got sick of the long hours, and days on end with out sleep, so on September 22nd 1987 he told the gang to fuck off and got into the poodle breeding business. Then late one night while Carl's mustache was getting it's beauty rest the group stole all of Carl's prize poodles. To get revenge Carl got online and earned his criminal justice degree in just 3 hours. Soon afterward Ibsen's lip rug was elected sheriff of Misoula Wyoming, by amazingly getting every single female vote in the county. He immediately busted the biker gang on drug charges and sent them straight to prison were they are sodomized daily by rival prison gangs.

Clive Owen

Hollywood star Clive Owen has grown an impressive new lip sweater for his role in the movie "Killer Elite" co-starring Robert De Niro. Clive recently stated that his mustache is such a success with the ladies that he had to take self-defense classes to protect his upper lip from the daily molestation it gets from soccer moms and punk rock chicks.

Aaron Rodgers New Mustache

It looks like Mr. Rodgers has grown another amazing mustache this preseason, only this specimen is much more masculine than the 2010 version, so much more masculine in fact that the mustache has got it's own Twitter handle, and recently tweeted that it's going to kick Jay Cutler's ass.