Harold Snepsts

Harold may not look like a professional caliber athlete, but his mustache was an NHL mainstay for 17 years. He instantly became a fan favorite when he was drafted by the Vancouver Canucks in 1974, because of his blue-collar defensive play and his mustache's like able personality. Then in 1991 Harold's lifelong propensity for strong booze and Asian women got the best of him when he quit playing hockey, packed up his moonshine still, and took off for the small Indonesian island of Lombok, and has never been heard from since. 

God Loves Arkansas

I recently came across the website arkansassports360.com because the have an article asking "Are Mustaches The Key To Arkansas' SEC West Baseball Title?" And I think the answer is obvious, not only because of the unmistakable power a mustache holds, but because Arkansas is not known for producing top athletes. The only things Arkansas consistently produces are amazing mullets, cheap moonshine, and public disturbances at Silver Dollar City (my wife has family in Branson, I have been to Silver Dollar City, and it is no place for small children, trust me).

Holiday Mustache Challenge

As revival nation can now see, we have a new contestant for the holiday mustache challenge. Frank Von Schmidtz and his mustache have been heralded throughout central Illinois for being one of the most lethal banjo players and amateur gynecologists in all of the world. Von Schmidtz is commonly known as a gunsmith, moonshine bootlegger, and running one of the most ruthless antique coffee table cartels in all the biblebelt. This stache has seen more ass than a toilet seat. Just think about it -- do you have any idea how many post-menopausal women go through antique furniture shops in a single day? I rest my case.