Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Taylor Swift

Rejoice mustached men around the world, in a recent interview country/pop superstar Taylor Swift was quoted as saying, she is now only dating sophisticated men with upper lip umbrellas! After many failed relationships with lesser bare lipped fellows such as the racist musician John Mayer, she is now only seeking gentlemen with superior upper lips because in her own words she, "has come to realize that a mustache represents everything that is masculine and chivalrous." 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Baron Von Gaerhart

Baron was the bastard son of Father McCauley damned to a life void of a father figure, so at a young age he was forced to use his entrepreneurial skills selling snake oil to nervous customers outside the local whore house. Business was so good, by the age of 11, he had enough loot to open his own barber shop, where Baron and his impeccable grooming became pioneers in early mustache cleaning and brushing techniques.

Upper Lip Victory

Yesterday I received a phone call from my good friend and fellow mustache advocate Jeffery Jackson. Jeff was distraught and on the verge of a panic attack as he told me that he had stopped by our favorite North Mesa Walgreen's, only to find out that they were no longer stocking our preferred mustache wax, Pinaud-Clubman. Instantly I called said pharmacy, and after falsifying my name and exaggerating several instances of mustache discrimination, I am pleased to announce that Walgreen's not only said they would continue stocking Pinaud-Clubman mustache wax in my preferred neutral color, but they would also start stocking the wax in black, brown, and chestnut to avoid any future instances of upper lip discirmination.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Joe Frazier

This mustache beat Muhammad Ali in "The Fight of The Century," won an Olympic gold medal, and cut off his own toe with a lawn mower.