Thursday, December 30, 2010

"A man without a mustache is a man without a soul." - Confucius 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Ask And You Shall Receive

Dr. Phil

Not only has this son of a bitch been giving mustaches world wide a bad name, but he is also confusing women about the masculinity a lip sweater represents, and it's also important to note that Dr. Phil is not a real doctor in the MD sense. He is essentially some guy that just got a PhD and decided to put 'Dr.' in front of his name. Pretentiousness has a prefix, and that is 'Dr.' This guy's mustache has let his ego get out of control and he must be stopped, or else the prestige that is a mustache will be marred forever.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Mustache Propaganda

Props to mustache enthusiast and founder of the International Federation for Mustache Advancement, Calluna. Check out the link for more of these gems

Saturday, December 25, 2010

No Internet Conection

The blog has been inactive the last 9 days because I got caught in that really bad storm that went across Europe last week. I was stuck in the countryside of Holland at a hotel with no internet connection, but at least there was a coffee shop across the street with some of the worlds choicest buds and ice cold Heineken's, it was rough, but I survived...Alright not really, on December 20th I had another kid, Caden Christopher, and my life has been all feeding charts and diaper changes, so merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


This appears to be the ideal Christmas present.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010


My good old friend Jeffery recently unveiled this spectacular specimen, he said he is growing the full beard with handlebar mustache to keep alive the tradition of his Lenni Lenape forefathers, just as he is keeping alive the ancient tribal custom of hand making deerskin moccasins. When Jeffery isn't busy practicing Lenni Lenape rituals he sings lead vocals for his ska polka band 'The Cheese Slicers' and he said his mustache has been a hit with the ladies on their recent fall tour.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Mustache Memories

Although a mustache doesn't give you super natural powers, it does improve your quality of life in just about every aspect, from making you more efficient at work, to increasing your stamina in bed, and it can even help you make better financial decisions. Which for some odd reason reminds me of when I grew my first mustache, it was the summer 1998, and it was a soft and fuzzy little 'stache, and only days after I let the peach fuzz go, my premature mustache helped me memorize every single word to the entire Sublime (self titled) album. It is a fond day in my memory as I was refinishing an old door for friend's mother, and I was having the time of my life stripping the old paint off the door with paint thinner in an unventilated room getting high as hell off the fumes, singing along with Sublime, and constantly stoking my upper lip. I still can't fathom how many brain cells I lost that day, but it was worth it, damn it!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Promised Land

Last night I had a dream, that former heavyweight boxing champion Ken Norton, called for an uprising of all mustache lovers, where upon he constructed a mass exodus to the upper lip promised land (which is a serene island in the South Pacific). Once we made it to the promised land, we set up a grand mustached Utopian society, where mustache wax was plentiful and there was a mustache ride parlor on every street corner. Everyone got along, and all women treated mustaches like saddles, until we all realized that living on a secluded island in the South Pacific sucks with out amenities like modern health care and fast food.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Tim Stalder

My neighbor Tim told me that he never really thought about the effects of a masculine lip sweater, until he grew his first mustache this November, and he couldn't be more jubilant. He said since he let him upper lip follicles be free his girlfriend needs sex constantly, finally tried anal, and has even started collecting porn. On Thanksgiving when he was at his girlfriend's parents having a few cocktails, her mother slapped his ass and asked him if he wanted to get high. With a twinkle in his eye, Tim told he would shave his upper lip again.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Monster Jam

Since I do consider myself some what of a sub-nasal aficionado, I was startled to discover something that now seems obvious, mustaches are huge on the monster truck circuit! My lazy ass was sitting on the couch, flipping through the television channels, trying to determine exactly how many mini marshmallows I could fit in my mouth simultaneously, when I came across Monster Jam. There wasn't just 1 or 2 monster truck drivers with lip sweaters, but an amazing 13 out of 16 drivers last night were sporting mustaches. And the stadium was packed, mostly with trailer park adolescents, and half mutant hillbilly skank's, pounding Budweiser's and sucking down Winston's while begging for adrenaline induced mustache rides, I couldn't even imagine if those sluts were full mutants, like Michael Moore, I bet he could fit thousands of mini marshmallows in his giant mutant gullet. Anyway, needless to say, the next time Monster Jam comes to Phoenix, I will be all over that scene.