Monday, November 30, 2009

Mustache Discovery

As I was in the shower this morning scrubbing away the sin of a weekend of thanksgiving indulgence, I decided I would do my upper lip fuzz a little favor and massage it with some Head & Shoulders shampoo. I already knew that Head & Shoulders 2 in 1 formula does wonders for Troy Polamalu's hair, but I was amazed by what it can do for a mustache. After cleansing with this magical shampoo my upper lip fur is as soft as a 12 year old's first pube, and I'm sure my wife will also appreciate not getting stabbed by whiskers next time we have a heavy make out session.
Thanks Head & Shoulders!

Poll Results

The polls are closed, and the loyal mustache revivalists have decided. I personally found the results shocking, as I thought Asians would have easily taken first or second place for ethnicity that enjoys mustache rides the most, and they did not even get a single vote, but maybe I'm just a stereotypical bastard.
The official result are below.

African 0%
Asian 0%
Caucasian 16%
Latina 83%

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day where we should not only consume copious amounts of turkey, but also sit back and reflect upon the things we are truly thankful for such as friends, family, and most importantly having clean and clear upper lip follicles that bear the fruits of our labor and love. So as you sit down at the table today with all your loved ones make sure you let them know how much you appreciate your upper lip sweater.

Happy Thanksgiving from The Mustache Revival.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Ole' Keith

If it werent already obvious: Keith Hernandez is a bad ass. The harolded NY Met had an incredible career as a first-baseman, Just for Men co-endorser, and mustache lobbyist. Keith's political career is lesser know but to those who knew him best, it was his life. His revolutionary approach to fight mustache discrimination was often considered blunt and abrasive by his adversaries. It had been rumored that Keith assaulted teammates Lennie Dykstra and Daryl strawberry during a dugout altercation after the two had slandered his mustache.

"Playboy." "Drunk." "Womanizer." "Cokhead." "Jerry Seinfeld's boyfriend." These words and more have been used to describe Keith Hernandez by his adversaries through a life-long, mudslinging campaign designed to defile Keith's mustache and the mad-tail it regularly pulled.

What makes Keith Hernandez great? Was it his ability to hit a 2-2 sliders? His uncanny glovesmanship which lead to becoming an 11 time gold glove winner? World Championship rings? Nah. Neither. It was his passion for crack cocaine and his renegade duster which (to this day) is commonly mistaken for a saddle by millions of women in Queens.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Freddie Mercury

This mustache may have had it's whiskers wrapped around more shafts than any other mustache in history. This mustache was infamous in multiple San Fransisco bath houses in the 70's. Mercury even had his own private room at the famous bay area gay club, The Yogurt Jungle, for which he could take random guests to and do things which I can't even imagine. Rumor has it that in the 80's Elton John and David Bowie both rode this stache, and some reports even say the rode it at the same time. All this upper lip debauchery eventually caught up with Mercury as he was diagnosed with HIV. Even after the diagnosis Mercury kept up his lifestyle fully believing that the power of his mustache would cure him of the disease, but after a mustache has taken that kind of punishment it simply couldn't preform anymore miracles, and Mercury died in 1991 from complications from AIDS.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Holiday Mustache

It seems as though the holiday cheer is really spreading, as Gurt Lamberstein has thrown his hat into the holiday mustache challenge. For Gurt this is more than just a simple lip sweater, his upper lip companion payed his rent in college by dominating the local arm wrestling circuit, and is still a local legend in Charleston Illinois.

Poll Results

The polls are closed and the loyal members of the mustache revival have declared that you must be careful when eating cream corn, nacho cheese, or doing things that might get belly button lint stuck in your upper lip pelt, but a man must be most cautious when eating nacho cheese.
Official Results
Cream Corn 33%
Nacho Cheese 44%
Belly Button Lint 22%

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Holiday Mustache

Sideburns Jackson wanted to give the mustache revival a nice seasons greetings with this fine specimen. He said he just shaved this amazing stache out of a beard today and got 4 numbers at the mall while he was innocently trying to do some Christmas shopping. He also noted that he got no Christmas presents bought, because his mustache was such a hit with the ladies at the mall. Great job Jackson and keep up the holiday mustache spirit.

Holiday Mustache

It appears as though xdeathtrip01 has decided to get into the holiday spirit by growing a holiday mustache. It is a fine choice because nothing else could punctuate those great chops like a manly mustache. I promise your lip mane will make this your best holiday season ever. Keep your fellow revivalists updated on your progress, and thanks for keeping the mustache brotherhood alive.

Mustache On The town

I decided to take my new found follicle freedom out for a night on the town, but the question remained would the mustache enjoy itself...

The mustache did get a chance to just hangout with the guys.

The mustache also got his hairs all over some hot wings

The mustache even got his whiskers on a few bottles of beer

So, after all was said and done, I believe the mustache had a grand time and will be out on the town again.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Mustache Revolt

Today in the small Southwestern Afghanistan village of Kamal Khan, a Taliban stronghold, local men banded together and stood up to the radical group over their right to exhibit masculine lip sweaters. The Taliban took control of the tiny village about 3 months ago, when coalition troops pushed the extreme faction out of their previous safe haven to the north. One of the first rules implemented when they seized control of the small community, was that the men could not shave, since Muhammad did not shave, and all men must grow a beard. Little did the Taliban know that the men of Kamal Khan have a long history of having some of the most strapping mustaches in all of the middle east, and they hold that label close to their hearts. As soon as the local men heard of the new rule they started meeting at night in secret to brainstorm for ideas on how to get rid of their oppressors, so they could resume their rich heritage of growing long beautifully groomed mustaches. Well, today is the day that their plan finally came to fruition with the help of small arms from neighboring communities smuggled into the village under the cover of night and a burning desire. I am glad to report that the fundamental group is out of Kamal Khan and the local male demographic is once again proudly flaunting their upper lip freedom.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


As I sat down this morning and was having myself a very nutritional breakfast of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an apple, I made an interesting discovery. It is a peculiar experience eating an apple with a mustache. I think it's the fact that you really have to sink your teeth into an apple to get a decent bite, therefor a man's whiskers are fully in the flesh of the fruit, getting wet and sticky. Regardless of what it is, I didn't enjoy the incident, so I am making a promise right now. As long as I have a mustache I will cut my apples into bite sized chunks for the well being of my lip mane.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Mustache Update

After weeks of follicle struggle my upper lip is finally starting to get a taste of the good life. While the stache won't get me casted in a retro porn anytime soon, a man has to start somewhere. However it is still awfully embarrassing when your son's upper lip has more street cred than your own and he's not even 2 years old.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Honorable Mention

While they might not be an actual mustache, revivalist xdeathtrip01, is sporting some impressive facial hair. Not only are these beautiful chops, but you get a chance to see them in their natural blue collar environment, the factory. These chops not only got him lucky with 4 randoms at the bar last week, but also scored him a great deal on some sticky icky. These burns deserve more than to be tucked away in the corner of some warehouse, they should be singing lead vocals in a rockabilly band. The only things that could add more bravado to these chops would be a sleeveless western shirt and of course a mustache.

The Great Mr. Buttersworth

"I hope my stache becomes the mustache it can be!"
This particular mustache has a special place in my heart because of the obstacles he has over come to achieve upper lip liberation.
As a young man Buttersworth always dreamed of having a long luscious handle bar mustache, then as his upper lip was coming into manhood an incident happened way back in 1999, when Buttersworth was innocently walking by a burning house and all of a sudden he heard children screaming out of a second story window. So without hesitation he ran into the burning house to save the children, and in doing so he suffered 2nd degree burns over 90% of his upper lip. Even though the small Lithuanian town now holds an annual parade in his honor he has never been able to sprout lip pubes through the scar tissue. Until recently his lip has come back to life and ladies and gentleman he is back on track to growing that handle bar stache that he dreamed of as a boy.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Look Who's Testing Out A New Mustache.

It seems the confidence of a dominating victory over the Dallas Cowboys has went straight to the head, or should I say upper lip of Aaron Rogers. After the decisive victory over the Cowboys Rodgers has emerged with a brand new lip mane.
Is it a sign of good things to come? I wouldn't be too sure of that since this is not the first time Rodgers has let his upper lip go freestyle. Some of you may remember in August 2008 at Packers mini camp Rodgers tried out the 'friendly mutton chops' and last season was a complete disaster, so only time will tell if his new patch of upper lip pubes can lead the Packers to a winning season. One thing we do know for sure is that the city of Green Bay better be stocked up on condoms, because Aaron Rodgers mustache is on the loose.


Osborne Earl "Ozzie" Smith, back flip enthusiast and long time mustache devotee. Ozzie was also a professional baseball player who was a 15 time all-star, and won the golden glove award for 13 consecutive seasons at shortstop. Smith also hit the game winning home run in game 5 of the 1985 NLCS, prompting Jack Buck's now famous line "Go crazy folks!" Alright enough of the on field achievement crap, Ozzie's lip sweater was so notorious with the ladies of St. Louis that in ensued a 1996 divorce, but how could it not? That stache just screams, "You can trust me with your girlfriend, it's cool." and we all know how that story ends.

Poll Results

The polls have closed, and you have decided... Muhammad Ali's mustache is a little bitch. OK maybe it wasn't that bad, but almost universally you decided that Ali's mustache would stand no chance against Dan Severn's Mustache. I don't know if it's the unstoppable take downs of Severn's stache, but the results are overwhelming.

80% Dan Severn
20% Muhammad Ali

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Fashionable Mustache Comb

It was love at first sight. The initial second I laid eyes on this beauty I new it was an accessory straight from the heavens, no not one of those stupid rosary's that everyone seems to be wearing these days, I am talking about one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century, the mustache comb necklace! Yes, that's right I'm talking about the most fashionable and functional piece of jewelery ever made. I'm not a guy that wears jewelery, but I can just imagine my western shirt unbuttoned to my navel, and this sterling silver beauty around my neck hanging down between my rock hard pectorals. OK, so it would just get stuck in my chest hair, but a man has to dream.
And now the bad news, the price tag on this thing is $168. Some people say you can't put a price on fine art, but unfortunately my wife can, so I will never own one of these precious combs.

Lil Nacho

I think this mustache is real, and I think his mom is the women with the lady stache from Monday's post. Either way I bet this kid could take Andre The Giant in a steel cage match.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Revival Shirt

The other day I made a pitiful attempt to make a totally sweet custom mustache revival shirt, but what I ended up with was a cheap, pathetic, disgraceful imitation of an awesome revival shirt. Maybe next time I will not buy the cheapest thing I can find, but since I have a mortgage and a family to feed I'm going to have to rock this shirt as hard as I can for now. A fashion designer I am not, but a loyal revivalist I am!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Re: Holiday Mustache Challenge 2

It's not much of a stache, but Buttersworth needs some competition, so this pathetic patch of lip pubes is officially in the contest for the holiday mustache challenge 2009.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Re: Please

do something about women with mustaches, i googled and tried to sendyou guys a few pics of women with mustaches but failed in doing so.this is a wrinkle that i know you haven't scratched and it's itchingbad. google- old woman with a mustache- it's gold baby,gold........................................................bice-out

Well, Bice, great minds think alike as Chad and I had intentions of covering this topic. Thanks for pushing the idea off the drawing board! You asked and ye' shall receive! You can expect more impressive feminine face fur in the future....
Yours Truly,
Mustache Revival Staff.

Poll Results

The polls have closed, and ladies and gentlemen of Revival nation you have spoken. It is official, it's a stache! It may be a parole violating, chain smoking mustache, but damn it you decided it is indeed a mustache.
Here are the official results:
Yes 54%
No 18%
Other 27%

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Brett Rogers Lets Down Mustache

Sadly it was revealed last night, in contrary to popular belief, that a mustache will not give a man absolute power in any situation. Brett Rogers a rising mixed martial arts prospect and owner of a stylish sleek patch of upper lip fuzz was knocked out by the worlds #1 heavyweight, Fedor Emelianenko. I do not blame the loss on the mustache, but solely on Rogers himself, possibly for improper grooming techniques, lack of TCL, or maybe it was just those bitch tits. Even in the loss it appeared that the mustache did break the nose of his opponent and there is even a rumor going around that his foe broke several bones in his hand when he made the reckless move of punching the mustache. Lets just hope that Manny Pacquiao is treating his stache with a littler more respect with his big fight coming up.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Re: holiday Mustache Challenge

Alright gang! Mustache rival asked, and we received! I present to you our first competitor for Holiday Mustache Challenge 2009! This fine fur specimen comes from gigalo, gunsmith, and fellow revival follower -- Mr. Buttersworth!Great Success, Buttersworth! The revival commends you and that Bad Ass Stache!

Keep the submissions coming, gang!

The Encounter

Ladies LOVE mustaches.
Yes it is true, since I let my upper lip be liberated about two weeks ago I had my first run-in with a member of the opposite sex that plainly couldn't control herself at the sight of my superior lip sophistication.
I was at a certain valley construction supply store, that shall remain nameless, when I had my encounter. She was behind the cash register and all smiles, during our transaction she was very friendly and I even caught a glimpse of her staring cold and bitterly at my wedding band, and then with blatant disregard she continued to bat her eyelashes and giggle enough to make any guy over the age of 16 uncomfortable. I figured this was a research opportunity to test the power of the stache that I simply couldn't pass up, so I preceded to flex my upper lip mane, and she damn near jumped over the counter and attacked me right there in front of everybody! After she regained her composer I gave her one last curl of the upper lip and got the hell out of there before I became a rape victim.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Holiday Mustache Challenge

Alright gang, its that time of year when holidays are right around the corner and with them, awkward social graces with family, yams, and scotch. That's right. Gluttonous celebrations which overload the palate and drain the wallet while tampering with emotional stability.

So in recognition of the holiday season, the mustache revival offers a challenge to those man enough to accept. This year, between now and January 1st, we will be hosting our first annual Holiday Mustache Challenge! We invite all to compete in a mustache competition of epic proportions. The rules are simple: grow a mustache. *As you cultivate your duster, please keep us posted with pictures displaying your impressive progress. We'll be sure to give you shout-outs as you enhance your street credibility for the holidays.

Mustaches will be posted on the blog and voted upon weekly by followers. You may doubt the idea, but the taste of victory is sweet when in the form of a flavor-savor soaked in egg-nog. Good luck and happy holidays from the mustache revival staff.

*There will be prizes awarded to the top two staches
*Email Holiday stache pics to
*Please, no impostor staches.

Clay Zavada’s mustache takes national honor

Clay Zavada’s mustache takes national honor - Phoenix Business Journal::
by Mike Sunnucks

The Arizona Diamondbacks finished in last place and weren’t even close to baseball’s postseason as the New York Yankees and Philadelphia Phillies battle in the World Series. They also won’t be taking home any individual baseball honors.
But D-backs relief pitcher Clay Zavada took home an award this weekend that Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez and closer Mariano Rivera weren’t even up for: He was named the 2009 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year, winning a national vote.
Zavada, who sports a handlebar mustache, accepted the award Oct. 30 in St. Louis from the American Mustache Institute (
The contest was part of a charitable fundraising effort for Challenger Baseball, which puts on games and operates leagues for children and adults with development disabilities.
Zavada bested a number of other mustached Americans for the award, including US Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger, who landed a distressed plane on the Hudson River earlier this year without incurring any passenger injuries or deaths."

Monday, November 2, 2009

Sam Elliott

Sam Elliott is an American born actor who appeared in several films during his illustrious career. You've likely recognized him co-staring with Cher as the renegade biker with a soft-side for facial deformities in the 1985 film, Mask, or as "The Stranger" in the cult classic, The Big Lebowski. As if it were necessary to further validate his stature in western culture Elliott was also the spokesman for the American Beef Council, Coors beer, and Marlboro. Ca' mon! What goes better together than steak, beer, cigarettes, and staches?! Needless to say, his mustache is a world class icon for masculinity as is it has been commonly considered the number one cause of unplanned pregnancy's during the late 70's and early 80's.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Clff Harris

I don't know much about Harris other than the fact that he was a safety for the Dallas Cowboys for 10 seasons, but the man had great fashion sense to know that nothing could go better with a receding hair line than a stunning lip sweater.

Gridiron Mustaches

Since it is Sunday, it is only fitting that I post a few pictures of my all time favorite football mustaches. First up on my list is Conrad Dobler, NFL offensive lineman from 1972 thru 1981, and was on the cover of Sports Illustrated dubbed 'Pro Football's Dirtiest Player.' I can only imagine that attitude and that stache must have brought the 70's groupies in by the dozens. Conradical!