Monday, August 29, 2011
Red Hot Chili Peppers front man Anthony Kiedis was recently spotted in West Hollywood sporting a brand new mustache. When asked about the new facial hair by reporters Kiedis responded by saying, "since growing this lip sweater I have never felt more masculine and confident, I have even taken up competitive arm wrestling, professional ax throwing, and Muay Thia kickboxing."
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Martin grew up in Croatia as a clam farmer, but after growing his amazing mustache at the age of 9, he feared his facial hair would permanently stink of fish rot, so he fled the family farm and hitch hiked across the Atlantic where he ended up in northern Minnesota working as a lumber jack, until he fell in love with the son of a baptist preacher. Together they fled to San Francisco, where they opened the world's first poodle grooming parlor in 1893, and lived happily ever after.
Monday, August 8, 2011
On August 8, 1987 Milwaukee Brewers slugger Rob Deer was battling a nasty hangover after a long night of celebrating a multiple home run game the day before, and decided to forgo proper mustache grooming for just one day, well he was slapped with a healthy dose of karma right in the upper lip, as he struck out 5 times against the Chicago White Sox.
Although is has been scientifically proven that a mustache will increase your bench press by 32%, and improve your chances with the opposite sex by 67%, a mustache cannot cure halitosis. I recently learned this truth the hard way on a 4 hour flight from Charlotte to Phoenix, and the gentlemen seated to my left was polite as can be, but suffered from chronic bad breath. I believe he was well aware of his condition and in an attempt to cure his condition, he grew a bushy mustache to act as a type of upper lip breath filter, but I must reiterate that this trick, although, clever and plausible, does not work, and will likely do permanent damage to your upper lip follicles.