Carl Ibsen

Carl and his mustache spent 17 years running meth for a ruthless biker gang, before he got sick of the long hours, and days on end with out sleep, so on September 22nd 1987 he told the gang to fuck off and got into the poodle breeding business. Then late one night while Carl's mustache was getting it's beauty rest the group stole all of Carl's prize poodles. To get revenge Carl got online and earned his criminal justice degree in just 3 hours. Soon afterward Ibsen's lip rug was elected sheriff of Misoula Wyoming, by amazingly getting every single female vote in the county. He immediately busted the biker gang on drug charges and sent them straight to prison were they are sodomized daily by rival prison gangs.

Martin 'Hot Sauce' Miller

Martin grew up in Croatia as a clam farmer, but after growing his amazing mustache at the age of 9, he feared his facial hair would permanently stink of fish rot, so he fled the family farm and hitch hiked across the Atlantic where he ended up in northern Minnesota working as a lumber jack, until he fell in love with the son of a baptist preacher. Together they fled to San Francisco, where they opened the world's first poodle grooming parlor in 1893, and lived happily ever after.