John Axford

Just over a year ago John Axford was out of baseball, after being cut by the New York Yankees John went on a 2 week drinking binge, locking himself in his parents basement with nothing but a few cases of Miller Lite and his Xbox 360. Then one night while passed out John had a dream where the mustache god's came to him and made him an offer he couldn't refuse. If he would grow a sweet 'stache the god's would grant him a lighting bolt for an arm. When John woke up the next morning he vowed to never again shave his upper lip, and the next thing he knew the Milwaukee Brewers were knocking on his door. With his amazing new lip sweater and brand new gig as the Brewers closing pitcher John was soon getting more pussy than Ron Jeremy, and he credits his mustache for all his success on the field and in the bedroom.