Taylor Swift

Rejoice mustached men around the world, in a recent interview country/pop superstar Taylor Swift was quoted as saying, she is now only dating sophisticated men with upper lip umbrellas! After many failed relationships with lesser bare lipped fellows such as the racist musician John Mayer, she is now only seeking gentlemen with superior upper lips because in her own words she, "has come to realize that a mustache represents everything that is masculine and chivalrous." 

Marlin Briscoe

On October 6th 1968 Marlin Briscoe became the first African-American starting quarterback in NFL history, he threw for 14 touchdowns that year, which is still a Denver Bronco's rookie record. Marlin enjoyed a productive football career until he foolishly shaved his upper lip in 1976. Almost instantly Briscoe was run out of the NFL, became addicted to crack cocaine, and landed in prison, where he was raped daily by a group of gay white supremacists.  

Rev. Terry Jones

Inbred, bat shit crazy, religious fanatic, intolerant, racist mustache. This guy makes organized religion, Americans, and most importantly the mustache community look bad.