A Mustache's Resolution

Yesterday as my wife tortured me by making me take down the Christmas tree and all the other ridiculous paraphernalia it dawned on me that my prosperous lip sweater does not buy the highest quality presents for the ones I love. I am always getting predictable gifts, like this Christmas I bought my wife shoes, a facial, etc. very typical stuff and she got me a custom printed Mustache Revival t-shirt, and it is the most amazing work of art I have ever laid eyes on, like the Mona Lisa of cotton. So, anyway my resolution for this year is to put more thought into the gifts I buy and really put some smiles on people's faces, not the usual awkward thanks with no eye contact, and not only for this year, but for the rest of my gift giving life.

Mustache Q&A

I recently received an email from a faithful Mustache Revival reader, who wished to remain anonymous, about his upper lip dilemma, he wrote...

Mustache Revival,
I recently grew a new mustache for Movember, and even though I am enjoying my new lifestyle, my girlfriend told me she prefers my mustache with the full goatee. Although I prefer just the mustache, I need to keep her happy, and I just have to know if the mustache goatee combination is acceptable?
Thanks,
Troubled in Toronto.

Toronto,
According the 'The Mustache Code of Conduct Handbook,' the mustache goatee combo is in direct violation of rule number 263. Plus what about the goatee does your girlfriend find attractive? It sounds like she is still living in 1998, listening to Limp Bizkit and wearing those boot cut jeans that are faded and already have rips and tears in them when you buy them. If she can't appreciate or respect your mustache for what it is, then I suggest that you wax up your nose neighbor and head on down to your local brew pub to find the girl of your dreams that will recognize what your upper lip sweater is, which is a badge of honor representing all things masculine and tough. A mustache always provides for his family by putting food on the table and spending quality time with the one's it loves, a mustache never forgets an anniversary or child's birthday, and will defend it's honor to the death. So in other words no.

LUSH

LUSH is officially the most ingenious cosmetic company on earth. A brandy scented massage bar with a mustache on it, brilliant!

Mustache Lifestyle

99.99% of the time a mustache helps you get laid, but this example goes against everything awesome and masculine that a lip sweater represents. Hopefully the mustache gods will extract some karmic revenge on this guy.

Mustache Etiquette

Every upper lip connoisseur knows that owning a masculine lip sweater is no easy task. Not only is grooming paramount, but style is also pertinent, and you must choose your personal style carefully. If you are the CEO of a fortune 500 company, a Selleck is mandatory. If you are a cowboy riding the range, or a bouncer at a nightclub then the manly fu-manchu is appropriate, and if you are a 6'6", 90 pound circus juggler and amateur pyro-technician, then you gotta go for the handlebar mustache because no one is taking you seriously anyway.