Dr. Dick Evans

This is "Dr. Evans" inventor of the amazing grooming product 'Dr. Evans Old Time Follicle Fertilizer and Male Invigorator.' While I can't testify as to whether his magical concoction actually works, I believe I can safely say that this man has never been to medical school.

President William Howard Taft

President Taft was the first president to be provided with full time 24 hour Secret Service security. The additional protection was furnished strictly for the safety and well being of the President's mustache. In fact Taft's Vice President James Sherman's sole job was mustache quality control, ensuring Taft's nose neighbor was always neatly trimmed, perfectly combed, and most importantly free of cookies crumbs, because President Taft had an incurable obsession with peanut butter and coconut cookies.

Friendly Reminder

Although it is common knowledge that a mustache helps prevent chapped lips, it cannot overcome this horrendous medical condition on it's own. Proper lip care is tantamount to good mustache grooming, because of all the extra attention a mustache brings to your lip area. The first thought that goes threw 9 out of 10 women's minds when they first catch a glimpse of a masculine mustache is "I wounder if I could ride that thing for 8 seconds," and keep it that way, instead of having that group of vixens you occasionally see at the liquor store snicker about your hairy alligator lips.

Baron Von Gaerhart

Baron was the bastard son of Father McCauley damned to a life void of a father figure, so at a young age he was forced to use his entrepreneurial skills selling snake oil to nervous customers outside the local whore house. Business was so good, by the age of 11, he had enough loot to open his own barber shop, where Baron and his impeccable grooming became pioneers in early mustache cleaning and brushing techniques.

On This Day In Mustache History

On August 8, 1987 Milwaukee Brewers slugger Rob Deer was battling a nasty hangover after a long night of celebrating a multiple home run game the day before, and decided to forgo proper mustache grooming for just one day, well he was slapped with a healthy dose of karma right in the upper lip, as he struck out 5 times against the Chicago White Sox.

Mickey Norris

Mickey wasn't always a confident man, if fact he had a lonely childhood constantly battling obesity, and video game addition with few friends to call his own, but that all changed on his eighteenth birthday at 'The Leopard Room' gentleman's club, during a fateful lap dance a stripper looked into his sorrowful eyes, suggested Mickey grow a mustache to help his self esteem, and the rest is history. Mickey is now at the forefront of the mustache lifestyle traveling the globe conducting seminars on progressive mustache grooming techniques at facial hair conventions.

Friendly Reminder

This is just a friendly reminder to all mustached men that keeping your nose hair trimmed is of paramount importance, especially since your glorious mustache is drawing so much attention to that area.

Mustache Paralysis

Mustache paralysis is very real and very scary, and is effecting the next generation of lip sweaters around the globe at an astonishing rate.
Mustache paralysis is the failure of a man's whiskers to respond to cleaning, waxing, trimming, or any other upper lip stimulation, and the symptoms include rogue whiskers, droopy follicles, and upper lip inflammation. The cause is still unknown, but there are many conspiracies out there, from poor grooming techniques, to the controversial theory that modern man's upper lip follicles are just not as strong as our mustached forefathers.
Since the cause is still unknown, there is no FDA approved treatment, but the Global Mustache Health Committee is working diligently to find a cure, and in the meantime some experimental remedies include hyper-hydration, follicle reconstruction surgery, meditation, even electroshock therapy, and in extreme cases shaving.

Apple Pie

To show her appreciation for my sub-nasal fur coat, my wife made me this homemade apple pie yesterday, while I sat on the couch, drank beer, and watched football. After indulging in this delicious pie, she also cleaned my sticky whiskers with an organic mustache shampoo, followed that up with a deep conditioning treatment, and then she topped it all off with a lap-dance, all in appreciation for my manly lip sweater.

Mustache Etiquette

Every upper lip connoisseur knows that owning a masculine lip sweater is no easy task. Not only is grooming paramount, but style is also pertinent, and you must choose your personal style carefully. If you are the CEO of a fortune 500 company, a Selleck is mandatory. If you are a cowboy riding the range, or a bouncer at a nightclub then the manly fu-manchu is appropriate, and if you are a 6'6", 90 pound circus juggler and amateur pyro-technician, then you gotta go for the handlebar mustache because no one is taking you seriously anyway.