Thursday, December 2, 2010

Monster Jam

Since I do consider myself some what of a sub-nasal aficionado, I was startled to discover something that now seems obvious, mustaches are huge on the monster truck circuit! My lazy ass was sitting on the couch, flipping through the television channels, trying to determine exactly how many mini marshmallows I could fit in my mouth simultaneously, when I came across Monster Jam. There wasn't just 1 or 2 monster truck drivers with lip sweaters, but an amazing 13 out of 16 drivers last night were sporting mustaches. And the stadium was packed, mostly with trailer park adolescents, and half mutant hillbilly skank's, pounding Budweiser's and sucking down Winston's while begging for adrenaline induced mustache rides, I couldn't even imagine if those sluts were full mutants, like Michael Moore, I bet he could fit thousands of mini marshmallows in his giant mutant gullet. Anyway, needless to say, the next time Monster Jam comes to Phoenix, I will be all over that scene.


  1. Last year I took my mustache to the Monster Jam and I got raped by a trailer park amputee that smelled like cigarette butts, and I loved it!

  2. I can oly hope I have a similar experience.