Paul Mertens

Paul is the eccentric mustache that moved into a house at the end of my block about 8 months ago. I say eccentric not because of his cool sense of style, but because of his unique hobbies, which includes breeding pomeranians, organic gardening, baking free range quiche, collecting early Liberace albums, and my favorite, brewing his own Belgian white ale, using his family's very own 200 year old recipe.

Tony O.

Not only is Tony a lover of fine beverages, and a mustache devotee, but he is also an expert cat groomer, and inventor of the quarter stroke technique, which cuts in half the typical time it takes to shave a cat, there by letting him double his clientel, and bank account. Tony also runs a non-profit organization where he makes mittens for homeless Norwegian children out of the trimmed cat hair, which he appropriately named Kitten Mittens.

Spring Break Mustache

Although my brother in-law graduated from college last semester he still couldn't resist packing his favorite luchador mask and taking his mustache to Lake Havasau for some spring break debauchery.
This got me thinking about how his mustache is the ideal spring break mustache, his mustache can do a solo keg stand (as seen above), he is the guy who can fix a busted keg tapper with a stick of chewing gum and a paper clip, and his 'stache can also debate intermolecular force theory while doing consecutive beer bongs, making it the ideal saddle for any drunken spring break dame.

Monster Jam

Since I do consider myself some what of a sub-nasal aficionado, I was startled to discover something that now seems obvious, mustaches are huge on the monster truck circuit! My lazy ass was sitting on the couch, flipping through the television channels, trying to determine exactly how many mini marshmallows I could fit in my mouth simultaneously, when I came across Monster Jam. There wasn't just 1 or 2 monster truck drivers with lip sweaters, but an amazing 13 out of 16 drivers last night were sporting mustaches. And the stadium was packed, mostly with trailer park adolescents, and half mutant hillbilly skank's, pounding Budweiser's and sucking down Winston's while begging for adrenaline induced mustache rides, I couldn't even imagine if those sluts were full mutants, like Michael Moore, I bet he could fit thousands of mini marshmallows in his giant mutant gullet. Anyway, needless to say, the next time Monster Jam comes to Phoenix, I will be all over that scene.

Mr. Boh