Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Carl Pavano

It looks like Minnesota Twin Carl Pavano has noticed how much ass teammate Joe Mauer has been pulling since growing a mustache, and decided he would get in on the action by growing his own nose neighbor. I just hope the land of 10,000 lakes has enough condoms and ointment to keep the two safe.

I Pledge Allegiance

Monday, June 28, 2010

Joe Mauer

It appears as though not even an MVP trophy could help Minnesota Twins Joe Mauer get laid, so he had to take his game to the next level, and growing a mustache pretty much guarantees his right hand will be getting a much needed break.

Fine Art

Friday, June 25, 2010

Mustache Dream

Last night I had a dream about a beautiful angel, only to wake up in the middle of the night, and find that angel sitting on my bed post. Although I was startled, I wasn't afraid of this mystical being, and I felt calm and compelled when he lead me to the Northwest corner of my backyard and told me to start digging. After my shovel had cleared several feet of Earth from the sacred spot I discovered an old wooden box. When I pulled the small chest from the dirt I opened it to find a magnificent gold plate inside. The plate was inscribed with some ancient dead language that no man could decipher, but when this angel touched my left shoulder, I could suddenly understand every word on the golden plate. It said "It is your destiny to grow beautiful mutton chops & a masculine mustache to save mankind." Right then and there I fell to my knees, looked up to the angel, and he was gone, along with the old wooden box, and gold plate. They had all vanished into thin air as if nothing had ever happened, but I know this angel was sent to me by the mustache gods, and now I must complete my divine mustache quest.

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wednesday Night Bowling League Mustache

This is Dave from my Wednesday night bowling league, and he thinks he is an incredibly witty hipster in his ridiculous clothes and Dave Grohl hair, but he is really just a really creepy guy who loves to hug his bros, and hit on underage girls, but no matter how uncomfortable those shorts may make you that is still a nice mustache.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I just got back from Las Vegas on the vacation from hell. First on Saturday night my wife totally ditched me to hang all over some dude named Keith Jardine, who had just got done getting his ass kicked, I bet if he had a mustache he would have won by 1st round knock-out, then I woke up Sunday morning only to discover that my laptop, which contains every picture we have of our son's entire life, had been stolen. I have come to the conclusion that this string of bad luck only happened because I shaved my sacred upper lip, so from this day forward I am growing a sweet stache & chops combo, and I am also vowing to never return to Sin City.

Although most of you already know, yes, she is pregnant, and, no, not by Keith Jardine, it is mine, I think, and I love the way she is smiling in this picture, like Keith has something to be happy about, and I can't tell for sure, but from the way my wife's arm is angled it appears she is fondling Keith's butt.

Monday, June 14, 2010


It looks like Chuck Liddell heard my mustache warning from Thursday, when training photos surfaced of Chuck without his signature mustache. Based on the photographic evidence, I predicted Rich Franklin by 1st round ko, because of reckless upper lip trimming. Then in the days leading up to Chuck's fight at UFC 115 he desperately tried to grow his trademark whiskers back. But, obviously, it was too little, too late, as Chuck and his infant mustache were stopped by Rick Franklin via 1st round ko.
A brief exile from consciousness didn't stop Chuck and his nose neighbor from enjoying the Vancouver nightlife, after a quick trip to the hospital they went out clubbing and, I'm sure, sealed the deal with some unsuspecting random. Below is a photographic timeline of Chuck's Saturday night.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Chuck Liddell

Photos of Chuck Liddell training for his UFC 115 fight this weekend against Rich Franklin have surfaced, and although Chuck appears to be in the best shape of his career, it also appears he has shaved his signature mustache. It is a sad day for mustache lovers everywhere, and strictly based on Chuck's reckless lip shaving, I am picking Franklin by 1st round knock-out.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hammer Time!

Breaking news just in, MC Hammer and his iconic mustache with be preforming at the Fort McDowell Casino on July 2nd! I know it's a shame that his "career" has come to this, but it happens when your mustache squanders over $30 million on mustache wax and prostitutes. I know I wouldn't miss this mustache if my life depended on it, so I hope to see you all July 2nd ( ladies I will be the man with the impeccably groomed lip sweater).

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Jon Nichols

This is my old boss Jon Nichols, he is 37, single, runs his own construction company, loves "private" massages and Carl's Jr, preferably mixing the two, and most importantly he is vehemently against sub nasal follicle trimming.

Fine Art

Friday, June 4, 2010

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday

I'm not even sure if she's hot, but she has great mammary's, so she qualifies.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Mustache Bravado

Alan Selcher spent the fist 19 years of his life bare lipped, eating Cheetos, and masturbating. Sick of never having felt the "touch of a women", Alan tried wearing cologne. After 2 months Alan was still a virgin, so he tried a new wardrobe, and after a month of rocking his fresh new attire Alan was still a virgin, so finally Alan grew a mustache. Within minutes of growing a mustache Alan developed a bravado and swagger he only dreamed of, before he knew it Alan got a job wrestling alligators, and he now bangs just about every female tourist who goes through GatorLand.