If I lived in New York...

The city of Ithaca is hosting a chili cook-off & mustache competition, and I can't imagine an event that would bring out more single women.

Nick Kessin

My neighbor Nick used to be a professional cage fighter and night club bouncer until he grew his first mustache and realized he didn't need all that over the top macho bullshit anymore because he had a well groomed mustache. With masculinity firmly in hand, Nick was able to pursue his true passion for nature photography and his mustache now runs the world's foremost natural desert photography website.

Hot Chicks In Mustaches Friday

Jamie Delaney

Jamie is an amateur magician and used to pull ass regularly by performing magic tricks for the kids of single moms at the Kiwanis Recreation Center, then when the new Black-Ops video game came out Jim was instantly addicted, neglecting his acquired magic skills and staying up for days at a time pounding Mountain Dew and gaming.  After a few months, Jamie became aware of the downward spiral his life was in, and he came to me for advice. Of course I gave him the same advice I give everyone, grow a mustache, and take your new lip sweater out to a local winery. Jamie took my advice and is now getting more action than he ever could with some stupid magic trick.

Mustache Q&A

Another question from a reckless Mustache Revival reader who wishes to remain anonymous...

Dear Mustache Revival,
I have had a mustache for several years and for New Year's Eve I decided to shake things up a little and I shaved off my mustache. As soon as my long time girlfriend saw my bare upper lip she broke it off and moved out. She is the love of my life, what should I do?
Desperate in Detroit.

Well, first off you have no one to blame but yourself, and I don't know what kind of results you were expecting from such an audacious move as shaving your upper lip, but my advice is to immediately grow back your lip sweater and purchase an engagement ring and propose, because she sounds like a keeper who is obviously more committed to the mustache lifestyle than you are. Good luck, and as always your mustache questions can be submitted to mustacherevival@gmail.com.

A Mustache's Resolution

Yesterday as my wife tortured me by making me take down the Christmas tree and all the other ridiculous paraphernalia it dawned on me that my prosperous lip sweater does not buy the highest quality presents for the ones I love. I am always getting predictable gifts, like this Christmas I bought my wife shoes, a facial, etc. very typical stuff and she got me a custom printed Mustache Revival t-shirt, and it is the most amazing work of art I have ever laid eyes on, like the Mona Lisa of cotton. So, anyway my resolution for this year is to put more thought into the gifts I buy and really put some smiles on people's faces, not the usual awkward thanks with no eye contact, and not only for this year, but for the rest of my gift giving life.

"A man without a mustache is a man without a soul." - Confucius 

Ask And You Shall Receive

Dr. Phil

Not only has this son of a bitch been giving mustaches world wide a bad name, but he is also confusing women about the masculinity a lip sweater represents, and it's also important to note that Dr. Phil is not a real doctor in the MD sense. He is essentially some guy that just got a PhD and decided to put 'Dr.' in front of his name. Pretentiousness has a prefix, and that is 'Dr.' This guy's mustache has let his ego get out of control and he must be stopped, or else the prestige that is a mustache will be marred forever.

Mustache Propaganda

Props to mustache enthusiast and founder of the International Federation for Mustache Advancement, Calluna. Check out the link for more of these gems  http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=366868.0