Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Mustache Paralysis

Mustache paralysis is very real and very scary, and is effecting the next generation of lip sweaters around the globe at an astonishing rate.
Mustache paralysis is the failure of a man's whiskers to respond to cleaning, waxing, trimming, or any other upper lip stimulation, and the symptoms include rogue whiskers, droopy follicles, and upper lip inflammation. The cause is still unknown, but there are many conspiracies out there, from poor grooming techniques, to the controversial theory that modern man's upper lip follicles are just not as strong as our mustached forefathers.
Since the cause is still unknown, there is no FDA approved treatment, but the Global Mustache Health Committee is working diligently to find a cure, and in the meantime some experimental remedies include hyper-hydration, follicle reconstruction surgery, meditation, even electroshock therapy, and in extreme cases shaving.


  1. Are there any preventative measures a man can take to avoid mustache paralysis?

  2. Steroids, which can be dangerous and are illegal, or another legal testosterone supplement. Also include appropriate amounts of the following vitamins and minerals in your diet...
    Vitamin A
    Vitamin B3
    Vitamin B5
    Vitamin B6
    Vitamin B12
    Vitamin C
    Vitamin E