Great Mustache Quotes

"Since 99.362% of women love mustache rides, it seems only a fool would have a bare upper lip." - Albert Einstein

Friendly Reminder

Although it is common knowledge that a mustache helps prevent chapped lips, it cannot overcome this horrendous medical condition on it's own. Proper lip care is tantamount to good mustache grooming, because of all the extra attention a mustache brings to your lip area. The first thought that goes threw 9 out of 10 women's minds when they first catch a glimpse of a masculine mustache is "I wounder if I could ride that thing for 8 seconds," and keep it that way, instead of having that group of vixens you occasionally see at the liquor store snicker about your hairy alligator lips.

Mustache Paralysis

Mustache paralysis is very real and very scary, and is effecting the next generation of lip sweaters around the globe at an astonishing rate.
Mustache paralysis is the failure of a man's whiskers to respond to cleaning, waxing, trimming, or any other upper lip stimulation, and the symptoms include rogue whiskers, droopy follicles, and upper lip inflammation. The cause is still unknown, but there are many conspiracies out there, from poor grooming techniques, to the controversial theory that modern man's upper lip follicles are just not as strong as our mustached forefathers.
Since the cause is still unknown, there is no FDA approved treatment, but the Global Mustache Health Committee is working diligently to find a cure, and in the meantime some experimental remedies include hyper-hydration, follicle reconstruction surgery, meditation, even electroshock therapy, and in extreme cases shaving.

Random Mustache Fact

The typical mustached man touches his upper lip an average of 519 times in a 24 hour period.