Thursday, December 17, 2009

Frank Beard

Frank Beard is commonly known as 'the other guy in ZZ Top,' and ironically enough he is the only member of the band without a ridiculous beard. For the other two members of ZZ Top the beards were a great gimmick and got the band noticed, but Frank knew if he really wanted to slay some out of control 80's bush, a mustache would be much more effective than a stupid chest length beard. Even today that sweet stache is paying dividends, as his band mates spend a good portion of their nights cleaning bbq sauce and chili out of their outrageous beards, leaving Frank plenty of time to seal the deal with their smokin' hot groupies. In his pre-mustache days Frank sang back-up vocals in ZZ Top, but one night soon after growing his patch of lip pubes, and after 4 bottles of Jack Daniels and 7 grams of cocaine, Frank was feeling invincible and invited a 300+ pounder to enjoy a mustache ride. Three minutes later Frank was being rushed to the emergency room with a crushed larynx and his singing career was over.


  1. I must say this is arguably one of the best posts ever exposed to the revial nation! I literally started crying i was laughing so hard! Its right up there with Einstein's and Freddy Mercury's posts -- lmfao.