Never Trust A Bare Lipped man

It is a well known scientifically proven fact that you cannot trust a man who would willingly desecrate his upper lip with a razor, but it is of the utmost importance that you never let these lesser men date your sister, watch your dog while you are out of town, and under no circumstances can a naked lipped individual be trusted to take the mound and pitch for your C-League softball team.

Michael Cera

It appears actor Micheal Cera was caught Friday in Beverly Hills channeling his inner Clark Gable. When asked by the paparazzi about his new lip rug, Cera quipped, "I'm a famous Hollywood actor, I'm filthy rich, and I still can't seal the deal with the ladies, so I took the next logical step, and grew a mustache to get me some tail."

On This Day In Mustache History

On February 2nd, 1870 Mark Twain and Olivia Langdon were wed, and after courageously resisting a mustache ride for their entire 2 year courtship, Olivia was finally able to hop aboard Mark's masculine upper lip saddle, and she religiously rode his mustache everyday until her death in 1904.

Roy Buckley

Roy is a quiet man who lets his lip rug do the talking on the bowling lanes. He took the PBA tour by storm in 1971 by bowling back to back 300 games in The Chargin Falls PBA Regional Tournament, but Roy gave up the professional bowling lifestyle in 1982, so his mustache could devote it's full time to preying on the women that come into the pro shop he owns in Columbus Ohio.

Happy Holidays

It has been worn by great rulers, heroes, sports legends, hipsters, and most importantly cowboys who tamed the wild west, so this holiday season let's all celebrate the mustache as god's gift to the world.

Taylor Swift

Rejoice mustached men around the world, in a recent interview country/pop superstar Taylor Swift was quoted as saying, she is now only dating sophisticated men with upper lip umbrellas! After many failed relationships with lesser bare lipped fellows such as the racist musician John Mayer, she is now only seeking gentlemen with superior upper lips because in her own words she, "has come to realize that a mustache represents everything that is masculine and chivalrous." 

Baron Von Gaerhart

Baron was the bastard son of Father McCauley damned to a life void of a father figure, so at a young age he was forced to use his entrepreneurial skills selling snake oil to nervous customers outside the local whore house. Business was so good, by the age of 11, he had enough loot to open his own barber shop, where Baron and his impeccable grooming became pioneers in early mustache cleaning and brushing techniques.

Upper Lip Victory

Yesterday I received a phone call from my good friend and fellow mustache advocate Jeffery Jackson. Jeff was distraught and on the verge of a panic attack as he told me that he had stopped by our favorite North Mesa Walgreen's, only to find out that they were no longer stocking our preferred mustache wax, Pinaud-Clubman. Instantly I called said pharmacy, and after falsifying my name and exaggerating several instances of mustache discrimination, I am pleased to announce that Walgreen's not only said they would continue stocking Pinaud-Clubman mustache wax in my preferred neutral color, but they would also start stocking the wax in black, brown, and chestnut to avoid any future instances of upper lip discirmination.

Joe Frazier

This mustache beat Muhammad Ali in "The Fight of The Century," won an Olympic gold medal, and cut off his own toe with a lawn mower.