Thursday, October 28, 2010

Mustache Philosophy

"If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe."  - Joe Rogan

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


LUSH is officially the most ingenious cosmetic company on earth. A brandy scented massage bar with a mustache on it, brilliant!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Billy Dee Williams

In the late 70's and early 80's things were going perfect for Billy, he had a glorious mustache, he was making Star-Wars films, selling malt liquor, and banging strippers daily (despite being married), that is until he started to hang-out with the wrong crowd, you know, those bare lipped types. Before he knew it Billy and his bare lip were divorced and in prison for giving Colt 45 to under age girls, where he now gets raw dogged in the shower every morning because "he's that bitch from Star-Wars."

Monday, October 25, 2010

Mustache Keychain

Thank you Jeff, you are a true gentleman, and I will protect this key chain with my life.

Family Portrait

I know it's a long shot, but I am already lobbying for this picture to be on our Christmas cards this year. I'm just worried that the shirt I am wearing will give my wife veto power.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Walter Brimley Sets Guinness World Record

Most of you probably thought Walter Brimley was dead, but you are wrong. Walter came out of his Salt Lake City nursing home today to set the new world record for most diabetic Mormon mustache rides in a 24 hour period with 3, smashing the old record of 1.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mustache Memories

The wife and I were cleaning out the spare bedroom closet last night to make room for the new baby coming in December, when I came across this picture stuffed in the bottom of a shoe box. This is from a fishing trip in Canada from 2005. I was on the banks of Lac Seul at The Golden Fawn Lodge hauling in a walleye with every cast, when jealousy got the better of this hungry bear, and he charged me, luckily I always keep a couple of ninja stars in my back pocket, and was able to throw one in the bears jugular vein before he could get his paws on my walleye, and that night my mustache and I enjoyed bear steak and fried walleye.

Mustache Lifestyle

Monday, October 18, 2010

Mustache On The Run

Arizona Mustache Gets Political

Arizona democratic incumbent Raul Grijalva was feeling the pinch of the current political trend of rich white people wanting smaller government and was lagging behind in polls, until his advisors revamped his campaign putting his mustache front and center. After his official campaign page was restructured with this photo, he began surging in the polls.

Quick to recognize the power of a mustache the Arizona Republican Party began sending out these mailers as soon as possible, but with a much different looking mustache, and is sure to feel the backlash from the mustache community.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Mustache Bags World Record Elk

Denny Austad of Ammon, Idaho killed this monster elk last January with his bare hands. The story goes that Denny was camping in the Utah mountains with his grandchildren, when out of nowhere the elk charged their camp and tried to dry hump his 11 year old grandson. That's when Denny went into action hitting the enormous elk with a 5 punch combo before securing a rear naked choke, suffocating the animal to death, and pulling off an amazing feat that no bare lipped pussy could.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Gunnar Paasche

Gunnar has battled a lifetime of mustache discrimination, constantly fighting mustache enhancing drug allegations. Gunnar contends that his follicles are all natural, and he simpled started giving large women mustache rides at a young age to put food on the table, because his father abandoned the family. No matter what the truth is, one thing cannot be denied, that this is one incredible mustache, that is so charismatic it even makes a ridiculous flat top, and disgusting leather skin look good.

Monday, October 11, 2010

99.99% of the time a mustache helps you get laid, but this example goes against everything awesome and masculine that a lip sweater represents. Hopefully the mustache gods will extract some karmic revenge on this guy.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Mother Nature Loves A Mustache

As outdoors men have long known, it is a good idea to let your upper lip whiskers grow for a few days before heading out into the woods for any period of time. A mustache helps prevent forest fires, thwarts bear attacks, and guarantees you will never get lost out in nature.

John Jacob Schmidt

This mustache paid for it's Princeton education by wrestling alligators at night, until he was drafted after Pearl Harbor. After the Normandy Invasion, he met a French model, and once the war ended they moved to Barbados together and opened up a snorkeling outfitter.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Vulva Smashing Literary Mustache

John Steinbeck grew up in a California frontier town. Where his mustache spent the summers working local ranches, and his summer nights fucking farmer's daughters, before he caught a 20 gauge slug to his left kidney from an unhappy father, and was bed ridden for an entire summer. For therapeutic reasons he put pen to paper, and the rest is history.

Did you know?

Did you know that before he grew the obligatory revolutionary beard, a young Fidel Castro used to impress the ladies with a dapper mustache?